A modern mom is a superhero always trying to balance between her job, personal and family needs. And when it comes to raising children, things can become so complicated giving the feeling of frustration that you are not enough even though you are trying so hard. But wait! Before you start blaming yourself, remember that all moms have been there from time to time and start with the basics. And by saying “the basics” I mean the “seed of evil”, that brought you to the “I am not enough” depressing feeling. Be honest with yourself. Dive deep into your heart to achieve self-knowledge and all the answers to your problem will be there too.
To help you start with, let’s see together four different “types of modern moms” that exist nowadays. You will probably find yourself in one of them.
Type I: the hard-working mom who is absent all the time, even when she is at home.
You are dedicated to your job by necessity or choice, thus, there is not much time or courage left to spend with your children. Being at home after an exhausting day at work means having a lot of housekeeping stuff to do. You feel inadequate even though you try hard and furthermore you are guilty enough for not being there to your child’s special moments, that you cover the gap by offering gifts and spoiling him whenever you have the chance.
How a hard-working mom can improve her relationship with her child:
• Spent at least 10 minutes of your busy day just to talk to your child. Ten minutes is not much time for you to sacrifice but they can make an enormous difference to your relationship. Ask your child what he thinks and what he achieved. Support and encourage him to his thoughts and feelings.
• Give your child as many hags as you can. It doesn’t take much time for that!
• Play together with a brief game, even if its verbal or sing something together, or maybe dance just for a few minutes.
Type II: the over-protective and anxious mom.
You are always afraid that something bad might happen to your child or you feel anxiousness that you might do something that is not safe or good for him. You never rest or trust yourself and even more, you don’t trust your child. Consequently, the child cannot become ever self-sufficient, as an insecure mom raises insecure children.
How an over-protective mom can improve her relationship with her child:
• You must find your own activities and occupation, which, in fact, must help you detoxify from stress and anxiousness
• You should get help by talking about your fears to a friend, or even better to a psychologist.
• Enhance every effort of your child without thinking whether he fails or is hurt. Be supportive and let him “open his wings to fly high”!
Type III: the distant, not emotionally available mom.
Especially if you raise a boy, you might be the type of mom who avoids caressing and hugs. Sometimes you even avoid telling your child that you love him, to protect him from being hypersensitive. Unfortunately, to your child’s eyes you seem distant, thus he has the feeling that he can’t talk with you, trust you and share his problems and thoughts. This can easily lead the child to isolation and insecurity.
How a distant and not emotionally available mom can improve her relationship with her child:
• If your child is still young it is recommended to find ways such as little games to play together on an everyday basis, that will bring you closer. This way you will bridge communication with your child and consequently, you will be built up a healthy relationship with him.
• If your child is elder, then just start talking with him. Share emotionally rich moments and try always to stand up for him. But be careful not to disturb his privacy though.
Type IV: the emotionally involved mom.
You have quit living your own life and you breathe through your child’s breath. You are totally devoted and identified with your child, that you suffer by his failures. Your child’s achievements are definite to you; thus, you encourage your child for improvements but possibly you are never satisfied enough. Furthermore, if there’s somewhere a husband in the house, he feels abandoned and invisible, while your child feels stressed by your continuous presence. You personal and emotional life as a woman are simply crowded out by your “mom” nature.
How an emotionally involved mom can improve her relationship with her child:
• Self- knowledge is the keyword to solve the problem! You much find your personal values and redefine yourself. Remember that you are a person with her own feelings and needs and above all never forget that you are still an attractive woman.
• Find activities and occupation that fulfill your heart with joy and destress you.
• Tell your child that it is ok if he fails and that he should make his own choices in life despite whether you like them much or not. Be supportive to your child whatever he decides and no matter what.
All these “mom types” mentioned above, actually fall into a broader category of parents: the not well-informed parents! Remember that there is always a solution to a problem if you are willing to hear about it and get informed. Recognizing a problem is the first step and do something or get help might be the solution to it. In all cases, self-knowledge makes the world come around!
Thus, read, learn and then learn more, because this is your superpower!